Disclaimer: This is MY opinion, not a universal truth.Please Know the difference.
When you get pregnant, you’d probably like to hear a ‘congratulations’ , perhaps a few well meaning pieces of advice. If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably keep your pregnancy under wraps for a while, telling only close family & friends.
My pregnancy was really tough, and I personally preferred not to publicize it on Facebook or social media- I felt like this was a really private and special time for me.Additionally, why would I want to share it with everyone?My Pregnancy, MY decision, and this has NOTHING to do with anyone’s ‘ahmiyaat’/ ‘worth’ in my life. I also didn’t enjoy most of my pregnancy- the 20 weeks of vomiting drove me insane. My weight gain didn’t please me either and it took me a while to get over the weight gain and accept it. Now that I am not pregnant,I am waiting to feel optimal before embarking on a fitness plan. Plus,I have to make sure my child is comfortable- that is a priority!
Once I did give birth, I received comments that pissed the crap out of me. I think people should learn to shut their mouths and not ask some questions/pass comments. Here is a list of things no one should ask a new mom.
- ‘Oh, that was quick…when did you get married again?’ : I got pregnant right away, but this question was so unnecessary, so nosey and TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I DO NOT APPRECIATE you calculating my child’s date of conception. You’re NOBODY to do that.
- Asking about weight gain: This should be a total no-brainer. You don’t ask that q. Even if two ppl are pregnant together, DO NOT compare. People are different. Certain ppl gain more than others. In 1st pregnancies, ppl gain more anyways. Just, don’t!
- Whatsapping messages with the following questions are STUPID:
– C-Section or Natural?
-Epidural or not ?
-breastfeeding or bottle feeding?
None of the above are YOUR Business. First of all, a birth is a birth whether a woman went thru a C-section or a natural one. There’s pain in both. They’re both challenging, and people do not know how some mothers labor for hours and hours and for some medical reason have to have a C-section. Why would you JUDGE? Who died and made you king?
I’m not sure why women make the epidural or not a big deal. It’s a birthing moms choice, it’s her body- lets see you go thru labor! (And from personal experience, lemme tell you, Labor is HARD, PAINFUL, DRAINING AND TOTALLY SOUL-SUCKING, particularly if it’s your first time!)
And as far as the debate goes with breastfeeding or bottle feeding…I want to know if it’s personally affecting you?If you’re giving advice, that is DIFFERENT, BUT SOME PEOPLE want to FORCE their opinions on you. No. This isn’t fair. Let a mom choose, support her, help her, but don’t drag her down with odd comments.
- Do not ask for pictures ‘RIGHT AWAY,’ : The amount of WhatsApp messages I read with ‘send me a picture, send me a picture NOW, HELLO, HELLO’ I opened a few days later were INSANE. I JUST pushed out a baby, I am Enjoying my time alone here with my baby, I am learning, I am recovering and I am not answering these! People who couldn’t get thru to me, had the audacity to message my mother like it was a life and death situation. Does it matter if the picture goes a few days later ????? Can I rest? After 9 hours of labor, initial feeding, I was supposed to learn my baby’s food cues, how to change a diaper on and actual infant and not a doll and i had to rest- do you really think I CARED about sending my child’s image or posting it on social media as per the instructions of the outside world? NO!!
- Pity vs Empathy: My husband was unable to be with me the majority of my pregnancy and he was unable to make it for the birth- we didn’t plan it that way, it’s just something that happened. My husband tried and tried to make it, and I know the effort because I am the wife. What i did not appreciate were comments like, ‘Oh, he should have been there?’ YOU THINK? You think the man doesn’t want to be here?
- Pushing to Stay for a birth uninvited: I didn’t ask you to come to my baby’s birth. That’s an intimate moment. Don’t assume you can stay or come to visit me 15 mins after birth…it’s WEIRD. I’m exhausted, I’m already holding my new born, just DO NOT STAY.
- ‘Your baby is so small’ or ‘Your baby is huge’ : A congratulations will suffice- I don’t recall my baby coming out with a distinct agenda to please anyone.
- Giving advice vs comparing: If you’re a mom and your friend is having her first kid, advice is fine- but adding your personal story to it…save it for later. Trust me. I personally didn’t care to hear how my friend labored for hours and hours and had her baby au natural and how if I didn’t do the same that would be weak because God made it so we should do things naturally like she did it. Please. Save it. And then after the friend has a baby, you sit and compare what she tells you (IF she tells you). Don’t you have kids to care for?
- Medical Advice: Please do not give it without the friend asking for it. Don’t tell her to worry if theres blood in the first poo, particularly when the Dr okayed the baby thrice.
Remember, tell a new mom exactly what you would have wanted to hear when YOU became a mother! Nice stuff and that’s it!!!!