Of course I thought of where I had been last year and all the years before- the 22nd was such a big day for me for a while and last year I endured the pangs of weening off. It was massive and this year, it crossed my mind, it also lingered long enough to write this but it felt…good. Who would have thought !
And now that the obscure, mysterious paragraph is out of the way, lets talk. So I recently read a blog on how in laws should try to play it cool and welcome a new person in to their homes, read it here . I can agree to a lot of stuff, particularly as I am going in to a new home myself. And while that is a list for in laws, how does one really prepare themselves?
Do people think of what will happen post the wedding? Post the honeymoon? Do people ever think about what boundaries they need to define with their significant others and with themselves? I have been questioning myself on my idea of marriage and what to expect and how to behave and what to do and at this point, i seriously think I just need to go with the flow.
So my list of preparedness goes something like this:
- Things are different. It will take time to adjust, even if you’ve known the person and family forever, you have to give yourself time.
- Along with time, take some space for yourself. Don’t plan on being the bff of everyone; because in real life, that doesn’t happen. Be you. Be okay with being you and don’t hold yourself to be the perfect bahu.
- Expect nothing from the in laws. You’re just going in, give it time. If you build all these expectations from the get-go, when they don’t come true, you’ll be disappointed.
- Communicate. Do not whine, complain or compare during discourse. Be reasonable, be logical, and where you feel the need, be respectfully firm.
- The world doesn’t operate the same way when you’re married. There’s single you- who got to be selfish, and now there’s married you who has to share space. Use point 4 (i.e communication) to your advantage. Be romantic, be adventurous, be spontaneous butttt make sure you’re both on the same page first.
- Now that life is changing, tap into your inner understanding psychologist and establish caring and understanding. This is a two way street though; however, sometimes it starts out as a one way… this point might be tricky.
- Respect, Respect, Respect.
- When i said to tap into your psychologist, i didn’t mean that you tap into your inner psychological patient. Don’t think over and beyond what you have to. I know thats INCREDIBLY TOUGH but it IS DOABLE!
- Don’t engross yourself in family drama. If someone starts to drag you in, put a stop to it. Leave the room, do not get involved. The less drama, the better.
- Never let go of your Friends. Never ask your spouse to let go of their friends. It’s immature, it’s pointless and it will make life boring. We all need friends. And if you plan on keeping your friends, let your spouse keep theirs.
- Don’t forget about your family- your own issues with your parents or siblings don’t need to be discussed with your significant other. I’m not talking about major arguments that affect everyone- small squabbles aren’t worth discussing, grow up, say you’re sorry and keep everything harmonious. Family always stays together.
- Don’t decide to open the gateways to communication when the spouse is tired, upset or sick.
- Be confident in yourself. There are billions of married people, if they can do it, so can you.
- Compliments are not meant to be thought….give them out with a hug and a kiss 🙂