Bridezilla!

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It’s no secret that I have become a monster at home. I have never cried, freaked out, screamed, yelled and slammed the door as much as I have now. This is nothing to be proud of, but i didn’t realize what was happening to me. And then during one of those random, ‘OMG, MY WEDDING IS RUINED’ cry-fests, I saw myself in a mirror and thought, ‘WHO THE HELL IS THAT?’

I am completely overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and fear of the unknown. I’ve never planned a wedding! Who, what, how. And every single offer I make is rejected. It’s like a tug of war wedding happening at home.  Everyone wants this wedding to go well- but the stress accompanying it is INSANE.

I feel alone most days- having an almost nonexistent extended paternal family is fun 🙂 My cousins haven’t even congratulated me, I can’t imagine what they are planning for my wedding *rolls eyes* . The fact that people have their family involved is invoking feelings of jealousy in my heart. Alhamdulilah I have my parents.

Seriously…they’re the only people who I know who will ever tolerate so much bullshit, and even though I only have tantrums to show for it, I am and will be eternally grateful. No one will love you like your mom or your dad, that is for sure.

Weddings were created for people to take advantage of amazingly stressed individuals so that they would dole out massive amounts of money without thinking. The business of weddings is psychological torture by black mail. And it isn’t the vendors blackmailing you-  a lot of times its family whispering , ‘logh kya kehien gay’ ! LIKE, THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE PAID BY THE VENDORS for aiding them!!!! What a crappy situation to be in. I can tell you that I am not enjoying this process AT ALL. At least not yet. I think when I have the major things done, I will be ok.

So far, I have my barat dress and that is it. I have a vague idea of what my mendhi dress should look like. My Walima dress is a complete surprise. OMG. I haven’t even started dieting yet. I feel like an adorable fat calf. I’m ok Alhamdulilah. I could be better and that change has to happen soon so my fiance is motivated to work it.

BACK TO THE BRIDEZILLA topic. SO, I JUST realized (like 28 hours ago) that whatever is meant to happen, will happen and that I can’t control anything really. Sooo. I still owe my parents a massive apology. I really screwed up in that department if I am completely honest because I kept freaking out about everything from colors to fabrics to photographers to everything in between. NOW,seriously, HOW MUCH DO THESE THINGS REALLY MATTER ? About {} that much. Not much. I kept telling myself I aught to focus on the more important things – learning about this total stranger I am now suddenly engaged to and how we are going to live life. I do think about it every day- I wake up at exactly 4 49 am everyday and I start to think…’how am I going to live with someone else!?”

It’s weird that this stranger, my soon to be husband, is someone who keeps me calm. Yesterday he caught me crying and hung up completely freaked out. I think he went to go compose himself and then he called back…’Are you…ok? ‘  by the time he called back, i was way calmer and he listened to me express my mortification at discovering that something had happened to a fabric i needed. ‘Jaan nikal di Maida, kuch nahi hota, saab theek ho jaiega,’  and that was actually comforting. It was followed several jokes until my father called him and he was like, ‘OMG, your dads calling me, hang up, bye!’

My dad has a tendency to call the moment we’re on the phone. And the weirdest thing is that these phone calls are ALWAYS coincidental. It’s impossible that he knows I am calling while i am in the market…how does he do it! Both of them work in the same field, so i understand the calls. It’s kinda nice that they get along…ummm, i mean, my dad did sorta set this match up so i guess that was a given 😛 I mean, at least these two have things to talk about so…it’s good!

I visited my in laws yesterday- I discovered where I am going to live! He’s having the portion upstairs renovated. I never had a problem living with in laws so this works out perfectly for me.

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Writing this post has actually taken two days. In the last day, I’ve been so busy finalizing my items for the walima, that i have yet to focus on my Barat items. My wedding is stressful but alright. It feels interesting. My fiancees accident shook me up a bit, but I am grateful he’s ok. He’s a good guy- despite being in an accident, he tried to cheer me up….who does that!?!?

I guess it helps ease things between us…I wonder when the formality will drop, but then again, as he says, the perk of this arrangement is that we now are more curious to find out how the other one is. I get the feeling that he’s beginning to like me…and I’m wondering when I’ll feel it. I don’t dislike him, i just feel very normal…as if i’m making a new friend. I’m semi afraid  of getting hurt. I never want to feel disappointed again. Nor do I want to feel let down. I guess that’s why my guard is always up. Anyway, i will continue to pray that all goes well in sha Allah!

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Are you ready!?

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Of course I thought of where I had been last year and all the years before- the 22nd was such a big day for me for a while and last year I endured the pangs of weening off. It was massive and this year, it crossed my mind, it also lingered long enough to write this but it felt…good. Who would have thought !

And now that the obscure, mysterious paragraph is out of the way, lets talk. So I recently read a blog on how in laws should try to play it cool and welcome a new person in to their homes, read it here . I can agree to a lot of stuff, particularly as I am going in to a new home myself. And while that is a list for in laws, how does one really prepare themselves?

Do people think of what will happen post the wedding? Post the honeymoon? Do people ever think about what boundaries they need to define with their significant others and with themselves? I have been questioning myself on my idea of marriage and what to expect and how to behave and what to do and at this point, i seriously think I just need to go with the flow.

So my list of preparedness goes something like this:

  1. Things are different. It will take time to adjust, even if you’ve known the person and family forever, you have to give yourself time.
  2.  Along with time, take some space for yourself. Don’t plan on being the bff of everyone; because in real life, that doesn’t happen. Be you. Be okay with being you and don’t hold yourself to be the perfect bahu.
  3. Expect nothing from the in laws. You’re just going in, give it time. If you build all these expectations from the get-go, when they don’t come true, you’ll be disappointed.
  4. Communicate. Do not whine, complain or compare during discourse. Be reasonable, be logical, and where you feel the need, be respectfully firm.
  5. The world doesn’t operate the same way when you’re married. There’s single you- who got to be selfish, and now there’s married you who has to share space. Use point 4 (i.e communication) to your advantage. Be romantic, be adventurous, be spontaneous butttt make sure you’re both on the same page first.
  6. Now that life is changing, tap into your inner understanding psychologist and establish caring and understanding. This is a two way street though; however, sometimes it starts out as a one way… this point might be tricky.
  7. Respect, Respect, Respect.
  8. When i said to tap into your psychologist, i didn’t mean that you tap into your inner psychological patient. Don’t think over and beyond what you have to. I know thats INCREDIBLY TOUGH but it IS DOABLE!
  9. Don’t engross yourself in family drama. If someone starts to drag you in, put a stop to it. Leave the room, do not get involved. The less drama, the better.
  10. Never let go of your Friends. Never ask your spouse to let go of their friends. It’s immature, it’s pointless and it will make life boring. We all need friends. And if you plan on keeping your friends, let your spouse keep theirs.
  11. Don’t forget about your family- your own issues with your parents or siblings don’t need to be discussed with your significant other. I’m not talking about major arguments that affect everyone- small squabbles aren’t worth discussing, grow up, say you’re sorry and keep everything harmonious. Family always stays together.
  12. Don’t decide to open the gateways to communication when the spouse is tired, upset or sick.
  13. Be confident in yourself. There are billions of married people, if they can do it, so can you.
  14. Compliments are not meant to be thought….give them out with a hug and a kiss 🙂

The 7 comments I’ve gotten

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I’ve finally agreed to the most awaited moment of my life *cue romantic music here* and said yes. Well, before I had the chance to say yes, my parents said yes and duly informed me that the deed was done and that really, I had to trust them because by this time, I had no choice. So of course I said yes. Never mind that it was after-the-fact… I said YES and that’s all that counts. Actually, I said YES way after my engagement… I said ‘yes’ when i finally started to realize that this might not be so bad.

Getting engaged has opened a new door for some interesting comments and questions. I posted the following to my Facebook and am just sharing this on here because my beautiful friend Jehan told me I should blog it 😛! So here i am, on a new device i do not know how to use…enjoy.

1. ‘I was so shocked to hear you got engaged!’ … Ummm…why? Are you saying that in a good way or what? I hope you know that this is not an appropriate thing to say! No newly engaged person should have to hear it…Just because I am not a bitter person, i will take it in stride. I mean, it’s ok, I was shocked at my own engagement too- not because i didn’t think it wouldn’t happen, but because of the circumstances it happened in.
2. ‘Congratulations… Did you get engaged because your parents told you to?’ …. Truthfully, they didn’t even ask me, it sorta just happened.

3. ‘Are you happy?’  How am I supposed to express it to you…?I’d do a cartwheel but I don’t know if it would entertain anyone enough. This is a weird question for me to answer!

4. ‘Are your in laws nice?’  I am so sure my parents hate me enough to want me to be miserable *rolls eyes*.

5. ‘You know…you should relax…even though you’re so late getting everything done, who knows if it will happen or not but trust in Allah!’ That statement didn’t offer me an ounce of comfort FYI.
6. ‘I am happy for you but does your fiance have single friends for XYZs sister’ … I am looking and will pair people accordingly in sha Allah. Let me just talk to my fiance and find out please…!!!
And FINALLY
7. ‘You only get married once so…’ And generally this statement is used with ‘spend as much as you want’… Here’s the thing, I am not looking to start a marriage in financial ruin. Thanks though! Budgets I have set on myself MUST be followed and I think in sha Allah, everything will go well. I want a wedding NOT A TAMASHA! My concern is how to live after the wedding. Will I adjust? Will he adjust to me? Will we understand each other ? How will we make it work!?!?!?! Those are such important questions guys … not the dress, the photographer, the salon… these things matter for 3 days…and then I get to go home with a new person after all of you get to party!

Emme & W.

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He didn’t seem like the man I wanted at all. Still isn’t what I imagined. Has the right schooling…the prestigious all boys school, an alright university education. At least he has his Masters. Humble background – surprising.
But…he’s beginning to feel like Home. In the few conversations, he’s always been respectful, he’s tried to be friendly without being freaky. He’s been different. Very different. And I don’t know whether to laugh or to stay silent.
I’m quiet. He knows so much about me, I’m surprised. The power of observation?
He noticed my hands, my eyes and my nose. And it made me laugh. It was laughter tinged in a blue tone but it was laughter none the less.
This is a joke man.
Can it really be happening so quickly? I’m shocked to be honest…not because this was bound to happen, but because it happened exactly like it should have.
I’ve walked through so much. I got peace. For real. Peace. In sha Allah.

Incredulous

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Resplendent in her wedding dress, she twirled, she glittered, she stunned. He looked on and smiled.

And that’s when she woke up in a cold sweat, realizing that she was finally getting married, that she had no clothes, no shoes, no planning, the wedding was a month away…was that pee she was smelling?!!!