How the world turns.

Standard

I wasn’t intending to come back so soon. I needed time, space, air and change. Change happened and forced me into accepting time. Time coaxed me into opening my damaged doors to begin the repairs of my sanctuary- my body and mind.

There is freedom of speech MoFo, which you think applies to you and not to me. Seriously. I won’t bother replying to your pathetic excuse of a message. Maligning, blaming and playing the victim. But this is MY space, and I do what I want here.

The truth is, everyone heals differently; insecurities were piled high by you and you didn’t mind threatening me, abusing me, defaming me, and holding me accountable for things I did not do. It had been about 7 months since I last bothered crying;  I have made peace with myself – apologized to God, found new people to talk to. But…I did keep looking behind…i filed the bad and kept the more beautiful moments alive and sacred and all to myself. All to have it flung on my face. You have a knack for abuse. I didn’t change address or delete anything to save you or myself or because i was afraid of ‘consequences’ of a moronic little squirrel. No…the line was, ‘ if you …had any true feelings for me..’ followed by judgements of being insecure and pathetic … Oh sweetheart (i say that with sarcasm) …THE TRUTH HURTS doesn’t it? Your message hurt me for a total of two days. Just two. If I ruined your life, it was because it was the truth, regardless of who abused whose mother or whatever… YOU abused me for three years-  emotional abuse. Need a definition? Here :

  1. Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse or mentalabuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

So what did you do? Let me make a LIST:

Emotional Abuse

Definition:

Emotional Abuse – Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

The Bruise that Doesn’t Show

Many people who are victims of abuse live in homes or environments where they have become so accustomed to the situation they consider it normal. They do not recognize it even IS abuse sometimes, because there is no physical injury; instead an ongoing emotional barrage takes place which can be just as damaging.

Examples of Emotional Abuse

Alienation – The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual’s relationships with others. [Your advice was generally to avoid people YOU didn’t like]

Baiting – A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual. [This was normal for you so you could get a laugh]

Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing – This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. [ This was generally called ‘Advice’]

Blaming – The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem. [I was always too stubborn, it was never going to work…]

Bullying – Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

 

Cheating – Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else. [ You weren’t?? could have fooled me and the rest of the world]

Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors. [I am reminded of your use of ‘it’s never going to work if you don’t change]

False Accusations – Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

FOG – Fear, Obligation & Guilt – The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail and describes feelings that a person often has when in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. Our website, Out of the FOG, is named after this acronym.

Gaslighting – The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”. [Watch the movie…this is SO YOU].

Hoovers & Hoovering – A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Imposed Isolation – When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family. [YES!]

Intimidation – Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

Invalidation – The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless. [Yes because you have such a ‘ high’ opinion of women’

Name-Calling – Use of profane, derogatory or dehumanizing terminology to describe another individual or group. [Not about me, but plenty about people we knew]

Proxy Recruitment – A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing “doing the dirty work”

Push-Pull – A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason. [ You were never sure but you wanted to marry me…what??]

Ranking and Comparing – Drawing unnecessary and inappropriate comparisons between individuals or groups. [ALWAYS. ALWAYS . ALWAYS.]

Shaming – The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that youdid something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad. [Apparently, i had to be fixed]

Silent Treatment – A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

Splitting – The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely “good” or completely “bad”.

Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm – Any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual’s reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others. [Your jokes weren’t funny]

Testing – Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship. [Something you admitted to yourself]

So really…the one that needs to pray to God is you.

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