A NAP

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She’s finally down for a nap, sweet sweet blog, HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between being a mom, a daughter in law and a daughter, i’ve had my HANDS FULL. Being a mom is no joke folks, I’ve probably complained before but can’t complain  anymore!

Oh Ha ha ha…she’s waking up…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY


EDIT:

She’s asleep again and my husband is out, finally a few moments for myself!

People used to tell me to get married, then they asked me for ‘good news’ and now i wonder when they’ll volunteer to babysit!

Pregnancy was a pee fest and here, I get PEED on at least 3-4 times a month. I am grateful though. It’s fun to see her little face smiling and enjoying the mess she made even though she doesn’t really understand what exactly she has done. She’s an interesting child, like all children are to their parents.

I find myself busier than ever nowadays. My father in law had a heart attack and we’re all vested in his recovery. Since I’ve been sick myself , i have not entered his room. I am waiting to be germ free before going in.

My other great struggle has been to lose the baby weight. Everything was going well for me except that last week i began to crave odd junk. I even indulged in chocolate and ice cream. This has me worried because I’ve never wanted those things before. I really need to start eating EVEN healthier than before.

I’m also very stubborn when it comes to myself. I refused to change my size in clothes after having the baby. I was a size 10 (that’s a small) prior to the baby but i also fit into 8. I no longer fit into an 8 but do fit into a 10. I will work on shrinking myself to my pre-baby weight but i am upset that its taking me longer than other ppl. However, I am NOT other people and i am so grateful that i have a support system that encourages me to be myself, eat healthy and they remind me that i am ME and it’s ok if it is taking time, at least i am losing! Just pray for me that I continue!  I wouldn’t like to settle into a mom body at this age. I am entirely too young for this!

This year I am worried about Ramadan- I feed my child and i am not sure that i will be able to fast. My husband has forbidden it and I am still negotiating to see if he will let me. His reasoning is that I should put Baby R first, that God is all Merciful, all knowing and All wise… he’s right …

I end here, a mere 450 words into what i want to say because she’s stirring and I know that means ‘go time’. I will be back! I have a feeling that this blog will start to change in content- it gladdens me. I’m so excited to be recording my thoughts on motherhood, child development and crazy ideas!

Before I go, I am sharing a post i put up on facebook today… i don’t want to sound like an anti-moms-day status person, because all i want is people to appreciate their moms, their dads and all those ppl who matter to them MORE. I want moms to know they’re doing AMAZING jobs however they are doing them, in whatever shape they are. I want you to know that moms are to be celebrated daily (fathers too), because damn it, it’s HARD work being a mom.

I had this really weird thought this morning as I rocked my 5 month old to sleep: so mother’s day is over and all I have is a suit to show for it😛 don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my husband’s surprise for me, but that’s it. Life was the same and is the same but no one’s going to remember that while I was getting a facial, I still had to play with baby R! Or that every night and every morning when she wakes up at 3 22am, I play with her for a bit till she’s tired and goes to sleep. Between the play times, diaper changes, readings, feedings and motor+sensory+language development thingie I try to do, if all she does is write me a stupid paragraph on mother’s day ON FACEBOOK and not come say ‘I LOVE YOU’ EVERY day, I will be royally peeved. I deserve LOVE. And not just on mother’s day. Pftt. There aught to be a month at least…Where father’s take charge and mother’s get free Mani pedis.
Sleep regression is NOT COOL people . And then nap times being cut, not cool. Babies are not easy, kudos to ALL mothers – working and not working, stay at home or stay at the in laws, in shape or out of shape… You’re doing WONDERFULLY.

Toodles people!!!

Ah, You’re Pregnant!

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Disclaimer: This is MY opinion, not a universal truth.Please Know the difference.

When you get pregnant, you’d probably like to hear a ‘congratulations’ , perhaps a few well meaning pieces of advice. If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably keep your pregnancy under wraps for a while, telling only close family & friends.

My pregnancy was really tough, and I personally preferred not to publicize it on Facebook or social media- I felt like this was a really private and special time for me.Additionally, why would I want to share it with everyone?My Pregnancy, MY decision, and this has NOTHING to do with anyone’s ‘ahmiyaat’/ ‘worth’ in my life. I also didn’t enjoy most of my pregnancy- the 20 weeks of vomiting drove me insane. My weight gain didn’t please me either and it took me a while to get over the weight gain and accept it. Now that I am not pregnant,I am waiting to feel optimal before embarking on a fitness plan. Plus,I have to make sure my child is comfortable- that is a priority!

Once I did give birth, I received comments that pissed the crap out of me. I think people should learn to shut their mouths and not ask some questions/pass comments. Here is a list of things no one should ask a new mom.

  1. ‘Oh, that was quick…when did you get married again?’ : I got pregnant right away, but this question was so unnecessary, so nosey and TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I DO NOT APPRECIATE you calculating my child’s date of conception. You’re NOBODY to do that.
  2. Asking about weight gain: This should be a total no-brainer. You don’t ask that q. Even if two ppl are pregnant together, DO NOT compare. People are different. Certain ppl gain more than others. In 1st pregnancies, ppl gain more anyways. Just, don’t!
  3. Whatsapping messages with the following questions are STUPID:
    – C-Section or Natural?
    -Epidural or not ?
    -breastfeeding or bottle feeding?
    None of the above are YOUR Business. First of all, a birth is a birth whether a woman went thru a C-section or a natural one. There’s pain in both. They’re both challenging, and people do not know how some mothers labor for hours and hours and for some medical reason have to have a C-section. Why would you JUDGE? Who died and made you king?
    I’m not sure why women make the epidural or not a big deal. It’s a birthing moms choice, it’s her body- lets see you go thru labor! (And from personal experience, lemme tell you, Labor is HARD, PAINFUL, DRAINING AND TOTALLY SOUL-SUCKING, particularly if it’s your first time!)
    And as far as the debate goes with breastfeeding or bottle feeding…I want to know if it’s personally affecting you?If you’re giving advice, that is DIFFERENT, BUT SOME PEOPLE want to FORCE their opinions on you. No. This isn’t fair. Let a mom choose, support her, help her, but don’t drag her down with odd comments.
  4. Do not ask for pictures ‘RIGHT AWAY,’ : The amount of WhatsApp messages I read with ‘send me a picture, send me a picture NOW, HELLO, HELLO’ I opened a few days later were INSANE. I JUST pushed out a baby, I am Enjoying my time alone here with my baby, I am learning, I am recovering and I am not answering these! People who couldn’t get thru to me, had the audacity to message my mother like it was a life and death situation. Does it matter if the picture goes a few days later ????? Can I rest? After 9 hours of labor, initial feeding, I was supposed to learn my baby’s food cues, how to change a diaper on and actual infant and not a doll and i had to rest- do you really think I CARED about sending my child’s image or posting it on social media as per the instructions of the outside world? NO!!
  5. Pity vs Empathy: My husband was unable to be with me the majority of my pregnancy and he was unable to make it for the birth- we didn’t plan it that way, it’s just something that happened. My husband tried and tried to make it, and I know the effort because I am the wife. What i did not appreciate were comments like, ‘Oh, he should have been there?’ YOU THINK? You think the man doesn’t want to be here?
  6. Pushing to Stay for a birth uninvited: I didn’t ask you to come to my baby’s birth. That’s an intimate moment. Don’t assume you can stay or come to visit me 15 mins after birth…it’s WEIRD. I’m exhausted, I’m already holding my new born, just DO NOT STAY.
  7. ‘Your baby is so small’ or ‘Your baby is huge’ : A congratulations will suffice- I don’t recall my baby coming out with a distinct agenda to please anyone.
  8. Giving advice vs comparing: If you’re a mom and your friend is having her first kid, advice is fine- but adding your personal story to it…save it for later. Trust me. I personally didn’t care to hear how my friend labored for hours and hours and had her baby au natural and how if I didn’t do the same that would be weak because God made it so we should do things naturally like she did it. Please. Save it. And then after the friend has a baby, you sit and compare what she tells you (IF she tells you). Don’t you have kids to care for?
  9. Medical Advice: Please do not give it without the friend asking for it. Don’t tell her to worry if theres blood in the first poo, particularly when the Dr okayed the baby thrice.

Remember, tell a  new mom exactly what you would have wanted to hear when YOU became a mother! Nice stuff and that’s it!!!!

Simply Put

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One of my English teachers in High school told me that if I had something to say or to write, it would be best if I used language so simple my grandmother could understand what I was saying.  I looked at him squarely in the face and told him the joke was on him as neither of my grandmothers spoke English! He laughed and said, ‘Well kid, make it so easy that any English speaking grandmother will understand!’

So what does that have to do with what I am going to write next? Well, i am going to try to put my ideas as simply as possible so that I can get through to you as effectively as possible…Please get comfy and pretend to be some English speaking grandma on a Hawaiian getaway…ready?

The topic is one that bugs me immensely. The one which ‘bugs’ parents and their sons and daughters alike – RISHTAS or matchmaking.

I have many a horror story about my time in the living room- as do many parents, sons and daughters. Being a woman, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t believe girls had it that bad. Their experiences in the living room might actually be worse than some boys. Personally, I’ve gone thru simultaneous interviews by a sister and sister in law of a potential; I’ve been shocked by the arrival of multiple boys and been told to guess who the potential was (no one was happy about that and my parents who had walked in with me just told me to go, we obviously didn’t get the ‘joke’ ) ; and once a potential kept yawning in my face! AND these are the TAME stories- I have a few ‘wild tales’ for another time, perhaps.

These people didn’t just knock on the door randomly – well, one did- and ask to meet my parents about their ravishing daughter, the families were set up by the infamous RISHTA Aunty – who, by the way, was subject to change as time passed by.

Rishta aunties, and certain Rishta Uncles, are popular in the parent’s circle because, really, who couldn’t use a little help???

While there are very reliable individuals out there, there is also a majority of ‘let me take your money and prey on your insecurities’ types. These people have a limited number of people that they keep showing to everyone and they hope they just click somewhere. These people also tend to take your money and VANISH into thin air. You call and call and call, initially they pick up, and then the picking up ceases.

I have seen parents pay good money to a large number of women and men; after showcasing a family or two, these people vanish, along with your money. Someone once suggested that my parents call a woman who was the ‘best in the business!’ because at 28 and still single, i NEEDED a miracle. My supposed savior came to my home, checked the garage, the home and then told my parents that they should have called her sooner and she would have had me married by now. She told us of rishtas that ‘fit’ the bill and then threw in a few ‘super wealthy, super educated’ types. And then she mentioned her fee. A grand total of 6 lakh, 3 lakh to be given NOW and 3 lakh after the wedding. Also this fee included that the boy would be a national of some other country other than Pakistan (which is something I sorta of wanted as I wasn’t Pakistani). She told us we had to hurry because I was aging as I sat there, right before every ones eyes. She then threw out her disclaimers: namely that she wasn’t responsible for checking the background of any people she recommended , she couldn’t guarantee successful matches or weddings  and that WE would have to call her daily.

For the steep ‘price’ of a match, I would have thought she was well on her way to finding me a dream match and she would actually be able to say that we would be a fantastic match. I also thought SHE would be the one calling.

My mother, not being a Pakistani, had heard enough. She politely told the lady that she would call if she decided to take up her services and announced that we had to go for dinner. I looked at my mother with a surprised look on my face…what dinner? Was she really going to throw away my one shot at happiness? At that price, SURELY i would meet Mister right and I really wanted this torture to be over!

My father and I looked at each other as my mother came back after seeing ‘Mehngi Tareen Rishta Auntie’ out the door.

‘Where has your faith in Allah gone to!? WE ARE NOT PAYING ANYONE!’

‘But mooooooommmm!!!!!!!! Desperate times call for desperate measures!’

Looking back, I definitely see WHY she had shaken me. I had been brainwashed by this auntie momentarily; sure my parents wanted to marry me off and we had talked about God’s plan and how we should wait to actually meet someone who clicked but something in me had just gone bonkers. This ‘auntie’ had taken a bite out of my own self confidence by ‘selling’ marriage to me.

It took me a good nights sleep and some reflection to figure out what was going on. Was I really desperate ? Was Something wrong with me?? Was I too picky ??

To make a long story short, my husband eventually did show up after my 29th birthday and he was worth the wait. He came because it was my time to meet him and there was no rishta auntie or money involved. It was an arranged marriage that few people dare to go through now; the kind where it’s arranged and I was informed later!
And before you panic, yes I knew of him, and yes at this point, I had decided that my parents were fine to make that decision for me- and I do not regret it.

Even before my own marriage, people had been coming up to me asking me if i know someone for their sons, brothers, sisters, daughters, even themselves…and I have managed to get families to meet each other- but it always crossed my mind as to why people skipped me! I realize now that it is because of the age- and after my own marriage, i have noticed that there are now many more females above  the age of 25 in the list of women that I try to help.

After many conversations, I realized that many families fell prey to the rishta aunties & uncles that took their money and vanished. I’ve also noticed that the demands of families have gone up like anything – maybe that is why there is a rise in the ‘vanishing’ aunties;  they suddenly find that they cannot deliver custom orders.

To All the rishta aunties out there: please be honest and only take up what you can. If you’re charging people, at least CALL them.

No one is actually doing anyone a favor here, rishtas are supposed to be a community thing which no one actually does- we live in a society that is disconnected to each other. The demands on both ends are huge, the compromise is expected to be only at one end. COME ON.

It’s easier to let children marry the people they like, but lets face it, not everyone goes that route, some families are uneasy with it, theres a whole host of things.

I’m not writing this to ‘change’ society; maybe it will and people will help each other for free, people will learn to ditch unreal expectations (ex: ‘My son MUST marry a tall,slim,fair girl’ – you do realize that the average height is 5’4 and that when you see a 5’6 girl, some of you go, ‘oooo too tall’ ? Also, when going house to house, its NOT cool to say the girl isn’t pretty enough when the guy is no Brad Pitt) .

Remember people: You’re all beautiful, wonderful people and your time will come if it is meant for you. Great things come to those who wait patiently. And if along the way, things don’t go the marriage route…that’s fine too. Maybe there are BIG plans for you. Make your future wonderful.

 

 

 

Simmering Anger.

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I’m not the most regular when it comes to posting on my social media, and with my new situation I am in, I am definitely on a break. HOWEVER, i was really peeved by a video – and lets face it, a lot of videos anger me, but this one hit a nerve with me this morning.

Before I share it with you, let me just say THIS: a lot of things are wrong with this world, but for a few brief MINUTES, lets focus on *this* issue! Don’t start bringing in Syria, Kashmir, Palestine and the Presidential debates…we KNOW it’s happening. BUT SO IS THIS.

Marry your Rapist – that is the title of the video you have to watch. In it, a Tunisian television presenter suggests a girl marry the man who raped her. Just let that sink in for a few seconds…. ready? DOES THAT NOT SOUND STUPID TO YOU???? (You: a rational person, common sense present, sane, someone educated- not just talking school-wise, but life-wise too)

It sounded SO PREPOSTEROUS  to me! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SUGGEST THAT? Who would GUILT a rape victim like that and try to pin the blame on her? I was TERRIBLY horrified. BUT I NEVER once felt affiliated to this disgraceful presenter even by faith. This was someone with a mentality issue and it was clear to me that he had zero brain cells…period. I mean, what did he learn at school? This mentality is ridiculous; it looked completely influenced from some backward school of thought. ARGH.

Then, I browsed thru the comments section… *face palm* . While most people were busy condemning the dumbass, one comment just stuck out to me like an irregularly shaped comment bubble. screen-shot-2016-10-24-at-10-25-18-pm

This is wrong guys- I feel like people like these need to honestly be educated WITH kindness…but WHY is the whole Muslim world held at fault for everything?

The fact that this video was reported about by a news outlet that is primarily Arab proves that they know that this is something worth mentioning- this is something worth reporting. It is wrong, and anyone with a shred of humanity knows that that was terrible to watch a TV presenter bully this girl and try and blame her. BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION.

These comments attacking the Muslim faith are not uncommon- I have read them for far too long and cast them aside.

I realize that there is a population of corrupt individuals, but is it fair to lump someone like me, whose living at home, quietly and happily and come to tell me that my faith is WRONG ? Is it fair to attack Muslim doctors for their faiths ? The truth is, this has been happening too long and I feel HURT. How do you expect me to brush off 15 years of abuse in the form of snarky comments degrading my faith? I know it’s on a platform where people can say whatever, but is there no end ? We hear it everywhere. Then it popped onto peoples mouths…just look at the people attacking Muslim WOMEN – a COWARDLY ACT in ANY FAITH-  when they are walking around the globe? Why should I believe the ‘Western’ world when they claim progressiveness? Isn’t it ‘your’ type of people attacking ‘my’ type of people ? When did we really become so divided as to label each other as ‘them’ ? SOMEONE STARTED IT BEFORE ME, I am merely writing what i have seen on the news, what I have been exposed to…isn’t it sad? Isn’t it sad to be exposed to such divisiveness – on the basis of faith? race? social status? And it’s sad that it is EVERYWHERE. It is not absent from any place on earth!

Immigration has been a huge topic in many countries around the globe- the fact that many people are unwilling to help others… I’m not talking about dogs, I’m talking HUMANS-  means that we’ve already separated into an ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality. And while the world makes excuses that there are evil people hidden amongst the immigrants- tell me, do the evil people roam free with signs around their necks in our daily lives ? The guy at the coffee shop could have stolen a million bucks by committing fraud ! That girl over at whole foods could be planning to do something nasty- HOW WOULD WE KNOW ?

We will never know.

And coming back to the comment made by the woman, where she claims that women are less valuable than dogs to ‘them’… that is true…that is true for some evil PEOPLE out there, REGARDLESS of religion. It is true that men lock up women in cellars and treat them like sub-humans. This doesn’t have a FAITH; this is a sick MENTALITY issue. In the same comment, this woman has insulted a whole multitude of women AND men. Men like my father who never held me back from anything – yes, I had curfews and house rules, but are those wrong??????- and let me be me. I was his rebellious kid, and let me tell you that my rebellion was worse than my brother’s ! He took it all in stride. What about my best friends’ fathers’ who let their daughters become doctors? What about the father who encouraged his daughter to get an education despite being questioned by his village? What about the men who DO stand against abuse? What about THEM ? Some of the men ARE Muslim, and  there are men  who aren’t who do support women… but who said it was ALRIGHT  to create an even bigger divide in a world where we are ALREADY SO HURT and SO divided ?????

SWIRLY.

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I have all these thoughts in my head, whizzing in and out, left and right- they’re creating some kind of magical, kaleidoscope in my brain! And yet, with all these thoughts, I have not been able to bring myself to blog in the last little while. It’s true that I have been busy, but I should have managed some time to myself. My blog is ‘me time’.  I certainly wish I could make this a full time career, and maybe some day I WILL, you never know. Right now, however, after the wedding, after the honeymoon ended, I faced a new reality. I was busy discovering life as a married woman, and I continue to discover what that really means anyways. I suppose everyone does- men and women recently married are finding out what their partner is like.

I don’t know about anyone else’s beginning or journey to married life, but my own has been…well, i think mine has … been my own [READ: OBVIOUSLY right here] and it’s been different. I don’t know many people who leave their husbands to go on vacation 2 and a half months after the wedding ! I went back for a visit and now I find myself back at my parents house, on a whole different continent. And before you worry, everything is fine. I think we shocked ourselves at how ‘weird’ this turned out, but it’s been good too- and that is … shocking, in a good way.

Everyone has their own dream of what married life will be like after the wedding and mine wasn’t exactly what I thought for myself but I am not complaining because Life just panned out the way it was supposed to. How odd is that man!?!?!!??!!? Things work out without you thinking they could work out. Your relationship grows in ways you didn’t think it would. Your life changes in ways you didn’t know it would. All of a sudden, you’re not alone and you’re learning to compromise in ways you had no idea you could even compromise in! You do things differently before you become your own person in your marriage…That might be difficult to understand, but i have no better way of explaining it!

Marriage is a funny thing. Who ever tells you that you will not argue while married has found the secret to living! My first argument was 4 months after getting married and that set the tone for how we dealt with all future arguments. So what was it about? Finances? Friends? in laws ? It was none of these. Our first argument was on communication. And we dealt with it pretty well Alhamdulilah. I know we have two very different backgrounds, but we looked beyond that difference.

What I learnt from that first argument was that listening was super important. I’m also not the only one with feelings! I have a new partner and he has ways of expressing himself differently. Different shouldn’t be intimidating, it’s something you should embrace. If you think that life stays the same for you, and you think you can mold your partner according to your desires…it isn’t happening. A marriage is just this two way street. If she’s angry stay calm; if he’s sad, work to cheer him up- those efforts you make for each other pay off. Everyone likes to see the efforts being made by their partner- even when you might have a tough time embracing the differences!

As it so happens, my husband is cool with bollywood…me…not at all. But i sat thru ‘Sultan’, ‘Ki and Ka’, ‘Fan’ and i can’t even remember the other he took me to see because frankly, i fell asleep. Instead of nagging about the fact that we saw an Indian movie, i tried focusing on the fact that my husband was taking me out, was spending date time with me, and that while he might like bollywood and i might hate it, i get caramel popcorn and that’s pretty good ! He noticed that I hated it and of course asked me to pick movies to watch the next time we went to the theatre. Thankfully, my husband DOES like English movies as well…He just wanted to try and show me something different. I have had enough bollywood to last me a while, so thanks but no thanks 🙂

To completely change the topic, the weirdest thing… Why would anyone want to keep in touch with someone who has exited their life? It is odd but i’ve been getting these texts to help someone who is in no shape or form related to me, and we just…i mean, i know this uncle, but…argh, ok, an ex-rishta’s dad is contacting me to look for a rishta for his kids, not including the one who was a proposal for me. I mean, I am confused as what to do.  I understand that finding a spouse is HARD and that people need all the help they can get, but when you have successfully engaged your younger son on your own, what do you need me for? So yeah, that is WEIRD. Everyone is on the ‘ignore bandwagon’ and everyone is right, but i did pass two #s of parents looking for their kids as well because lets be real, this is a real situation.

And that brings me in to the topic of actually getting married. Look- it is HARD and let me say that people need to support each other and help each other find matches. I am not asking you to go date or do something behind your parents back (because if you haven’t learnt by now, that is just a waste of time for the kids in the Muslim community; if you’re gonna do something, do it in front of your parents- for that you might as well TALK to them!). My whole point is that if you have married friends with single friends, they should either present you with someone or feel free to ask, do not feel like you are being desperate or anything because this is NATURAL, we all have to try our best, and i think not giving up is important. It is not easy people!

This issue is actually so important- particularly in the Muslim community that i feel that women need to get together to help their children. Because there are a lot of ppl who still go the arranged marriage way and no, it is NOT always awful. I have some families looking for their sons and daughters and I am trying to pair them up.

I’ve discussed this in a previous blog page (oh, its private) but anyways, the thing with women helping families find a match is that sometimes they charge and they charge TOO much. This is unfair. This should be a free service (and i am ready to help). The truth is that I will be unable to help a lot of people because volunteering takes up time- I have to allocate time to helping certain people first. HAVING SAID THAT, I have to be totally HONEST, that families come with demands. I cant cater to these demands because some of them are totally unrealistic. You can’t describe your dream girl for your son and expect me to find that ‘fair faced, hazel eyed, slim, tall, 23 year old MBA grad or doctor’ . I can’t. Be reasonable and stop putting damn age restrictions and location restrictions because let me tell you people, ALLAH changes the situation of people LIKE-THAT *snaps fingers*. I’ve seen quite a bit, and experienced something new in my own marriage. I wanted to get married here but Allah had my husband for me over there! And it was an arranged marriage. I can’t guarantee anything for you because ultimately ALLAH decides for you and you can’t leave things to just me. My role is only to connect people, that’s it. Do what you want, but please, no restrictions or complaints and whines about things like…pictures! Some families don’t want pictures…why not ask the people to send you one directly? One does something good for you, don’t come back and just put the people to work for you, this is something someone does as a volunteer; no one is your personal slave here- people who do this service are doing it for Allah but they have LIVES too…just reminding!

And after ALL THAT….I AM GOING TO BED! SHABAKHAIR

On A MISSION

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I’ve been on a mission to write something substantial, something that touches my soul, your soul and impacts a whole generation…who am i kidding, that isn’t happening at the moment so lets stick to what I have in mind right now. [Use of run on sentence, check.]

And since I was interrupted yesterday after the first paragraph, I forgot what I had in mind. Now i have something completely different in mind. I was awoken by the hired help banging on the door and I couldn’t help but feel terrified as if something had happened downstairs. Turns out, it was nothing and she needed to give me a box from my best friend in another city to take with me abroad. I was irritated and tried to go back to sleep. It was about 9 50 am and I decided it was better to stay up.

So i open up my facebook and I was terrified. If you are like me, you’ve probably liked BBC, CNN, Al-Jazeera US, and some other ‘sources of news’ – even if it is buzzfeed. And the news was petrifying. From people a young man getting angry to dinner and attacking two strangers, to a natural disaster in Louisiana that was NOT covered. And then I read of a little girl zip tied to her bed and made to believe her name was ‘Idiot’.  Please tell me where this senseless violence is coming from and how can I stay safe? And I haven’t even gotten to the racial/islamophobic part of the news yet. —> Hang on, here was something on a disabled Pakistani Origin AMERICAN CHILD being made to confess…??

The slaying of Khalid Jabara was intense. This was a Lebanese CHRISTIAN man. This just goes to show a lot of people that it isn’t just Muslim Arabs being attacked- it’s Christian Arabs too. Since when was it ‘Ok’ to do these things? I feel like humanity has regressed and please tell me when we will stop hating!?! Will we ever? What good has it done!?!?!

Oh and then you read about Syria… heart breaking. This is just not how anyone should live.

Are we really living???

What are we going to tell our children ?

Syrian Children  are suffering!!!! Just look at the face of the little boy 😦 I am seriously devastated!

 

Romanticizing heartbreak

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Guilty.

I did it.

I once mourned long and hard for a relationship lost. I thought I had lost my very best friend, I just could not wrap my head around it and then I hated my ‘best friend’, and after all that I decided to hate the whole world. Nothing felt right and everything was out of place , I no longer knew myself and somehow i fell in love with the idea of a lost love and oh boy, what bull shit.

We all move on. There’s nothing remotely romantic about thinking about our doomed friendships or how we went through some ridiculous stabs in the back. PUHLEEZ. Here’s a box of chocolates and a treadmill.

Why would any one in their right minds go on and on and on and ON about how sad they felt at the loss of their friends? If you’re talking about it for more than 4 months without healing, then yeah, I think you’re out of your damn mind. I can tell you that because i was there.

Lost someone who meant the world to me and surprise, it took me forever to get out of my misery because i kept narrating everything to myself, I was in some sort of grieving mode for a whole year. Yeah, from like Dec ’14 to Dec ’15- i was in some sort of pain inflicted by myself to myself.

If you ever find yourself in that sort of grief, seek HELP from people who MEAN well. NOT people that will remind you of how things COULD have been. What is the point? It’s gone, it’s over and TADA, SOMEONE comes along who just fixes every piece of you. It was bound to happen, if your friend really adored you, they wouldn’t have left.

I might have lost a friend- but after meeting my husband, I honestly have to say that it was like…wow. I did not have the capacity to understand that you can fall in love with a stranger and he might be the exact opposite of what everyone had in mind…but…he works for your love, he knows your place…and it’s the sweetest feeling in the world.

If you’re going to romanticize something, romanticize the idea of love- real love. Love isn’t just a destination, it’s a whole journey that you embark on. You don’t just find yourself, you find your soul mate.

I’m not saying the journey is easy…it’s a challenge. You will experience change like never before. You will never really be the same because your change will impact those around you.

I wish you all well; when you feel happiness, you can only radiate it.